“I will trust you,” I answered.
I will readily admit that I am independent and stubborn. I have always wondered how God puts up with me. Over the past few weeks, God has shown me how patient and gentle He is.
Since January, God has taken me on a journey of trust. I have been overwhelmed by God’s goodness again and again. I honestly don’t even know where to begin telling the story. And I must tell it carefully for those others who are also a part of the story.
Since January, I have been in a refugee camp. It was not my first visit here. Last year I simply sat in the back of the truck and passed through the gate. This year, things changed. Shortly before we arrived the commander closed the gate. This meant that our team was not going to be able to simply drive through and show our passports. If we were going to get in, we had to have another way.
(I will not share the details here in this blog. If you want to know more, I will gladly sit with you and talk.)
I first met the man charged with getting us in and out of the camp a few months ago online. At that time he was the liaison for the details of the journey. I am sure that I made him a little crazy with all of my questions. He was gracious and kind and made me and my team feel secure. At this time none of us was aware of what lay ahead…not even him.
On the night we arrived, I felt like the weight of my team was on my shoulders. I knew God had us, but I brought them into this situation. I knew that I couldn’t have known, but I felt responsible. As I said, I was not ready for what was ahead…so I had to let go of the reins and trust.
I cannot begin to tell you the flood of emotions that went through me that night. The team was great. They took every moment in stride. And me? I was in the position of complete and utter trust. There was nothing else I could do. Our liaison took me under his wing. He led me every step of the way…gently and sweetly and with such respect. Even as I type, there are tears. Even as I reflect on that night I realize how gracious God was in placing this man by my side.
The hike in, was a difficult one. One for which I was physically and emotionally unprepared. Emotionally, I bounced back pretty quickly. Physically, it took a toll on my body. I prayed hard during the three weeks that I was there that God would make an easier way for me to leave. But God had a plan and it started with the words from the text at the beginning of this page.
I didn’t panic. I didn’t even have fear. After I got the text, I spent the evening saying my goodbyes. I packed up a few more things and I slept. My heart remembered how gently my friend had cared for me coming in and I trusted his words that he would be with me on my way out. (Psalm 121:8 – The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.)
God was revealing Himself to me through this friend.
~He was there with a smile before we headed out.
~His presence was calming.
~For the darkness, he brought a light to shine on the path that we would walk together.
~He stayed one or two steps ahead. This allowed me to see the pitfalls and the rough places on the
journey. Sometimes I stepped up beside him and I would stumble. My place was a few paces behind.
~He was laying the path straight for me and I needed to wait and not run ahead.
~He let me stand on my own until I needed more stability and then he took my hand. It was like he knew
what I needed before I needed it. When I felt confident and let go, he released me. But he was always
there to grab my hand if I became unsteady again.
~When I was slipping, he held me more tightly.
~He kept encouraging me about how far we had come. And he would tell me how close we were to the
end of the road.
~Even his silence gave me strength.
~Through every moment of the journey he gave me dignity and worth.
My friend would be very uncomfortable with this comparison, but on that night he was a picture of Jesus to me. He was everything that God is to me. All along the path I was hearing God whisper in my ear – “you need to trust Me like this.” I have a powerful picture in my mind. I don’t think it will be easily erased.