I know the cycle well. I have changed calendars three times this year. When one got messy, I would go buy another one. I would tell myself that I could no longer bear to look at the cluttered pages but in reality, I could no longer stand to live my cluttered life.
It is easy for me to get caught up in the tasks and entangled in the day to day. But my heart longs for the clear path. Not the one without rocks and quicksand. Not the one that leads straight through meadows of daisies. I like and adventure and bends in the road. But I want the one that is illuminated by God’s light. The one that takes me where He is leading me. I have learned that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. So when my backpack is too much to bear, I know that it is me who filled it too full – not Him.
On Sunday the preacher was talking about the resolutions we set for ourselves each year. He said “even if we had the ability to attain the lofty goals we set, it would never be enough. When you get to the top of whatever it is you are climbing, there is always something more above you. Once you attain these goals, they will never stop demanding your worship.” Wow.
Every once in a while it is good to unpack, clear off the calendar, and re-evaluate everything. Lay it all on the altar and let God burn up the chaff. I was talking with a young friend earlier today and as I shared this verse, I realized that it fits here too. “Cease striving and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” It was like God was giving me a little kick under the table…”do you hear this, Becky?”
My 2014 calendar did not show that in January I would receive a proposal for a full-time position with Proskuneo Ministries. It did not tell me that I would lose a cousin and an aunt. And it also did not inform me that I would become reacquainted with a cousin I have not seen in over forty years. The schedule didn’t prepare me to find out in June that I needed to have a minor procedure done to eliminate some “ugly” cells. It also didn’t give me advance warning that the minor surgery would lead to major surgery to keep me from getting cancer. And I certainly wasn’t aware that I would come home for lunch on December 3rd to find that my house had been broken into. I had to face those things in the moment. Every day there were new challenges and joys – births of babies, miscarriages, citizenship celebrations, helping three friends enroll in college, divorces and weddings. I could not have prepared for any of it. It just came.
I grew closer to God, not because I put it on my agenda, but because I chose not to strive against a Sovereign God. I hope that this year I will grow closer still. Each morning that He allows me to wake up on this planet I will open my eyes and yield my day to Him. And then I will place my feet on the floor and listen.