This week I saw a post from a friend who is serving in Africa. She is relatively alone in a culture not her own. She is a stranger in a foreign land. And her comforts are thousands of miles away. How do you “fake” a holiday? You could get a chicken and dress it up like a turkey. You could draw some cute little decorations that remind you of home. But the “something” that is missing, cannot be faked.
I remember being away at college when I was 17 years old. Money was very tight and when I say “away” I truly was. I lived in Wisconsin and home was in New York. There was no way I could afford to go home for Thanksgiving. My roommate invited me to her house in Minneapolis. I was thrilled. It would be Thanksgiving in a home with a family and food and everything that Thanksgiving is all about. This was the year that I started to learn that this wasn’t what it was all about.
Her family did not believe in God. At least they did not believe in God the way that I did. There was no thankfulness expressed around the table. In fact, I don’t remember any thankfulness at all during my time in her home.
And I thought all Thanksgiving food was the same. Here is the list…turkey, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, corn casserole, cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole, pickles of all descriptions, and homemade rolls with fresh, sweet butter. And then there are the desserts…pumpkin pie and apple pie (because it is tradition), pecan pie for my brother, raspberry pie for my sister and my mom, elderberry pie for my dad, and lemon merengue pie for me. If anyone else was coming, they might get their own favorite as well. But guess what…her family didn’t eat the same dishes. And even the ones that were the same did not TASTE the same. I really think the main ingredient has always been my mom’s love.
I spent most of that college weekend in my room, tears streaming down my face. You see, I was beginning to learn a lesson on that trip that I am just now beginning to understand. Holidays take on the culture of a family or a group. It is the people that make it comfortable and warm. And not all “cultures” are the same. Did you know that not everyone celebrates Thanksgiving? Did you know that you cannot always plan who will be in your life or out of your life from year to year? And did you know that those cozy feelings that you had surrounding the holidays were not about the food or the place at all? It was about being thankful. Giving thanks. Thanks-giving.
When I moved to Clarkston a few years ago, I was lonely. My husband, my mom, my brother, my sister, and my niece were all gone. My dad couldn’t travel. I didn’t think I had much to be thankful for. I knew that my daughter and her husband and kids would be coming over but I longed for the big, full table I had known in my growing up years. So I began to invite my new friends. My friends who had never experienced an American Thanksgiving. And I cooked. A LOT! I cooked more food than I had cooked in years! You know what I learned that day? I learned that it was about being thankful. Giving thanks. Thanks-giving. What a blessing to have those memories together. It was rich and sweet.
Where do you find yourself this year? Tonight I am grateful that I have two places that I can be for the holiday. But it has not been this way every year. I often get pretty depressed this time of year. My life did not have the fairytale ending with Prince Charming that I dreamed of as a little girl. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, but on holidays it can seems pretty sparse. And having so many of my family members already in heaven, the table can feel a little empty even when it is full. So I understand if you would rather crawl into a corner and ride out the holidays because I have often felt the same. But for this year I think that I am going to practice what I’ve been learning. Thanksgiving is about being thankful. Giving thanks. Thanks-giving.