The image just isn’t strong enough. My heart is full. I can feel the push against my chest. The more that is poured in the more it expands. The more it expands, the stronger it beats. The stronger it beats, the more life I feel coursing through my veins. The more life I feel coursing through my veins, the more I desire more.
In the moments I am living right now I think I am beginning to
understand the “abundant life” that God promises to those of us who believe.“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy: I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) We are often taught from the pulpit that the abundant life is given by a Father who wants to “prosper” us with cars and homes and wealth. My life experience has not shown this to be the truth. I cannot say that I have ever been wealthy by the world’s standards. There were a few years in my life when the paychecks were large and the bills were paid with
excess to spend. To an outsider who may have been looking on, we would have appeared to have "arrived”. But the truth is that during those years my family amassed more debt than in all of our years together. The truth is that we had no time for each other because the world that paid us, also required of us more than we could pay. The truth is that we were bankrupt in our souls.
Proverbs 30:8-9 is a passage of Scripture that I embraced as I looked back that period of my life. “Give me neither poverty nor riches –feed me with the food allotted to me: lest I be full and deny You, and say ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or lest I be pour and steal and profane the name of my God.” Denying God was not intentional. It was a by-product. It is true that you cannot serve two masters. You must make a choice. One of those masters will consume (destroy) you. The other one will leave you consumed with passion and purpose. One will leave you empty and broken. The other will leave you satisfied and full.
While many around me are striving for more these days, I find myself longing for less. We get caught in this cycle of “have tos” in order to live. I have to have a job in order to pay the bills. I have to have a car in
order to get to my job. I have to have to pay for gas in order to fill my car. I have to have money in order to pay for the gas. I have to have a job to earn the money. Now – before you think I am trying to get out of work – I work hard. And I don’t mind working hard. I have been working hard since I was 15 years old
when I moved away from home to take my first job. The problem is that I want to work hard-ER for the kingdom of God than I do for the kingdom of man.
Aside from those few short years of making more than we needed – and yet still spending more than we had – I have lived a life of faith. My father was a preacher who has never taken a salary of more than $70 a week in 65 years of pastoring. I grew up knowing that God was my sole provider for all that I had. We worked hard and God blessed us by making sure we never went without. “I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.” (Psalm 37:25)
I don’t know what God is doing in my life. Those of you who are following this blog are walking on this journey with me. I do know that I feel the shift. I know that my life is on a new path and I am willing to go where it leads. As long as I can walk holding hands with my Abba Daddy, I will be okay. He has never failed me. It is HE who fills my chest with the beating of a different drum. It is HE who gives me the rhythm of my days. It is HE who will sustain me. And it is HE who is calling me to a more intimate walk with Him. And the more closely I walk, the more I desire more.