I was raised in a pretty rigid environment that did not give me a very broad view of the world around me. When I did break out it was in ways that went too far and did not line up with my core beliefs. In fact, they were usually in direct rebellion to what I knew and believed. These “experiments”with life in the big, wide world only served to leave me more jaded about anyone who was different from me. And over time my sphere got smaller and smaller.
Last night I had an “aha” moment as I was driving to a Chin National Day celebration. I was going to be walking into a room where I would only know a couple of people (barely), I did not speak their language, and they did not speak much of mine. AND, I was doing this alone. Well technically my three-year old granddaughter was with me but, while she had the “cute factor”going for her, she was not going to ease the language/culture barrier. I think what is most humorous is that I did not even flinch as I had this thought. For those of you reading who did not know me a few years ago – this would NEVER have happened. I was terrified to go into a new place alone, even with people who COULD speak my language. Now all of a sudden I was about to “boldly go”. And this is a new “norm” for me. I have visited three different churches outside of my language/culture/comfort zone in the past nine months. But this was the first venture – alone. This moment made me begin to wonder. I had that “how did I get here?” question flash through my mind.
The word that came to me, clear as day - “I opened you up”. God truly has opened me up. I would not have been willing to have the kind of “surgery” he has performed on my life over the past few years. I would not have willingly climbed on the operating table and said “Go ahead God. Remove everything that is keeping me shut down, closed up, fenced in, and locked away.” But God is gracious. He has protected my heart every step of the way – carefully carving away so gently. Was it painful? Of course it was. Is He done? Of course He’s not. But I have been opened up and am experiencing true life for the first time.
Open. My heart is open. My mind is open. And my eyes are wide open so I don’t miss any opportunities.