What came over me? I am not exactly sure, but the voice in my head (or was it my heart?) said “your world has gotten too small again.” It is interesting that the message came just two days after being nudged while hearing a speech by our college president. He was talking about the founder of our institution who looked at the town around him 50 years ago and decided to build something – something bigger than himself. That first year 763 students walked through the doors of what is now Georgia Perimeter College. Today we serve around 24,000 students across five campuses. Those founders never got frightened when they walked into a bigger room full of more people.
So why did I get sidetracked today from the big dreams God has placed in my heart. Actually, I think I know. I get distracted by the mirror. I look at the image and I begin to recite the list.
1. You are too old.
2. What you do is not valuable.
3. Your goals are too lofty – what are you thinking?
On some days the list is longer. But these three items seem to sum up most. On the good days, I am ready to take on the world. On days like this though, I have to summon courage to remember how God has been leading me and not be tempted to go back to the manageable tasks because God’s world is not as small as mine.
1. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phil. 4:13
2. “He who began a good work in you, will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Phil. 1:6
3. “My ways are higher than your ways.” Is. 55:9
There is something that happens in my soul. It is not born out of emotion, but of something deep and rich. God stirs my heart and as I begin to see what He is doing – the bigger picture – the emotion comes. Yesterday was a good day. I was sitting at the third church service of the day with my granddaughter who was beginning to let me know that her tolerance was about up. Remember that this is not in English. We started to worship and I felt the “shift”. I began to pray because the Holy Spirit was evident and I just needed to know what God was up to.
Is it compassion that wells up in me? No. I have compassion when there are people mistreating these new friends of mine for no apparent reason other than the color of their skin or the sound of their speech.
Is it pity? No. In fact, there are many times when I envy the simple lives, uncluttered by so many of the demands our culture places on us.
I have been through the whole checklist and what I keep coming back to is belonging. God has me exactly where He wants me and as long as I am not fighting against Him, I will be at peace. So with that settled, I turn to look at my four-year old granddaughter who has settled in for the sixth hour of church. Her eyes drink in the room and the music and the people. And suddenly I know that this moment could change the course of her life as it has mine. So I sit back patiently and let God do all that He is doing in the room. And I let the tears come and wash away the dust that has gathered in my soul.
I don’t want to be distracted by fear anymore. So rather than let my flight from the church earlier this afternoon grasp my heart in its grip, I have chosen to go visit a different church that starts in a couple of hours. I only know one person at this church, it it’s okay. I refuse to let my world become small again. God has opened me up too much. And if I am going to build things that last, things bigger than myself, then I need to be brave!
P.S. I went to the other church this evening and saw two of my "kids" from the community. Met a young man who is having trouble getting into the college - we will meet tomorrow to go over his documents. And I met one of the leaders who was an amazing encouragement. Once again my world grew. Funny how that works.