so what made this one different? One of the songs in the worship set this morning was “Enduring God.” This is a song written by my friend Josh Davis. (original words written by William Cowper and Isaac Watts) I was singing along with the rest of the congregation until we hit the second half of the chorus and there it was….”Eternal Lord, O Great I Am, my life and times are in Your hands. Enduring God, O Sovereign One, who was and is and who is to come.”
Many of you already know the story of 2012 in my life but a little bit more of the picture came into focus as I was singing that song this morning.
On the way up to visit my brother and my family last January, there were terrible winds – the kind of wind that causes tremendous turbulence in the airplane. I am not afraid of flying under most conditions. In fact, I quite love the feeling of lifting off the ground and leaving the cares and worry behind. But this day was different. I was studying and reading and the thought popped into my head that I was a little nervous. I immediately cast the thought aside telling myself “my life and times are in God’s hands.” But then came that still small voice that whispers what your heart needs to hear. “What about your death Becky? Is your death in my hands?” My internal reaction was – “well– that’s a bit morbid.” My external reaction was - “Let’s see, God. If the plane goes down quickly and I die instantly – I guess I would be okay with that, but please don’t let me die slowly, or painfully.”
And then I started to really think about it. The more I thought, the more confident I became in the fact that yes, I truly was okay with whatever lot God had for me. I didn’t realize that He was preparing me
for the days to come. This all happened on January 12th. I left my brother’s house and flew home again on January 16th. And in the middle of the night that night my brother passed away. I headed to airport to board a plane back to Pennsylvania and on that flight, the “conversation” with God came flooding back. We don’t know how many hours we have left on this planet. We cannot know if we will wake in the morning. And in that moment, I was changed. I gave my life back over to God to show me what He
wanted. I was sick of wasting time. I was sick of agendas. I wanted to live each moment as if God had hand-designed a plan for me – because He had.
I returned to Atlanta on the 23rd of January 2012. On February 1st I was headed to pick up a friend for lunch when I was hit by a box-type delivery truck. As they were cutting me out of the vehicle with the “jaws of life,” I remembered those words I had said to God on that second flight. Yes, God – my life and times and even my death are in your hands. My life was spared and I knew that meant my purpose was about to change. I was no longer willing to sit idly by and let the world keep moving. I was no longer willing to be comfortable and warm and safe. Put me back into the game and let me do something that feels like winning.
If you have been reading this blog, then you know the journey that ensued. I won’t retell it all here. You can read back through to see how doors have opened and how my life has been changing. I no longer look at those around me who are 60-some years old and think that I am nearing the end of my life. Instead – I look around at those who inspire me. I went to a Phil Keaggy concert on Friday and watched a 62 year old man play with the passion of a child. And I know that he almost died last year too. But he isn’t done. There is a lot of road ahead if God lets him stay. And my roommate from college who is also in her 60s – she is preparing to build an orphanage for children with special needs in Liberia. And there are so many others who seem to just be hitting their stride. And I am not even CLOSE to 60. I have so much time to get busy and get things done. (I know 50 is closer to 60 than 20 was, but there is still a lot of time left.)
If you read “Clarkston” last week, you will know that I was looking at a house there. Well, I have paid the security deposit and will be moving in a few weeks to the “heart of my world.” If nothing else, it will shake up my life just a bit. It will have me breathing different air and smelling different smells. But I
am pretty sure God has a plan for me there. I don’t have the whole picture, but I’m okay with that because my life and times are in His hands. So I will do what I can, while I can, to make a difference. And if God determines that it is time for my life to be over soon, I hope to be doing something worthwhile on my way out.