I have a response that I think many of us have in the late autumn when the temperature changes and the leaves begin to break free from their branches. I want to hibernate. It is a natural response but perhaps a little more so this year because it has held so many tragedies and trials. All of the events of my year went through my mind – good and bad – as those leaves twisted and turned and dropped to the ground one at a time.
You see winter is a time when the old dies. It is the time when the earth rests. And so, it is also a time to wind down from our frantic frenzy and look back over the past twelve months. What have we lost? What have we accomplished? What did we miss? What did we fail to do? Some of those leaves this morning were not falling easily. The wind would come along and shake them into submission and they would twist and twirl to the ground.
When I look back over my year, there are times that I am grateful to have behind me and there are times that I wish had never ended. I will hold the memories of those times, but I still have to let go for they are done. They are now the past. And we must keep moving forward. But first we must stop and breathe the crisp clean air into our lungs as we gather our resolve for what is to come in the New Year.
2012 is almost over. I lost my brother in January. I was in a severe accident that laid me up for almost the whole month of February. In March, I found my voice, my strength once again after losing it at the age of nineteen years old. Throughout the year I watched as parts of my family fell apart. And I watched as other parts of my family were reunited after many years. I made new friends. I let go of some old ones. In the summer I had the privilege of leading Proskuneo Worship Institute. And in August I lost my mother. I have taken bold and daring steps into new territory this past year. And I have wept alone in the corner hoping no one would find out how frail I can be.
You see, those leaves of this past year will fall. They will fade away or be carried away in the wind. But as I rest and prepare and hold on, I know spring is coming once again. Soon the buds will break through and this process will start all over again. It has been doing this for the fifty years I have lived on this earth. I am learning to trust the God who controls the seasons of my life. He is sovereign. Nothing escapes His gaze. Nothing takes Him by surprise. And so I wait – knowing that whatever comes my way is by His hand. He will see me through.