Just when I think this journey I am on could not take me down any new roads – here I am. Her little children are all bouncing around her not realizing the hurt that is in her body or the anguish that is in her soul. To them it is just another day and they need her attention. The oldest son, still a child himself really, only knows that he was woken up in the middle of the night to go to the hospital with her – to be her voice and her ears. He knows the sterile words that he interpreted for her but he does not know what they mean. And he cannot interpret her sadness or her loss. So we take a drive and we talk about it.
And on my drive home I, once again, wonder what brought me to this destination at this time in my life. Why now, when I feel old? Why now, when by our Western values life should begin to slow down? Why now do I feel like I have more life than I have ever had before? I want to play an instrument – so I am learning how to play chords on the piano. I want to travel – so I have applied for my passport. I want to teach – so I am tutoring in the evenings after I leave my job. And I want to make a difference in the world (and in mine) – so I am learning a new language. Her language. One day soon I will have all of the words I need for moments like the one I find myself in today.
Why now? Because I have lived long enough that my wisdom might outweigh my foolishness. (Notice I said might!) Because I have endured enough heartache that I can feel someone’s pain instead of just acknowledging it. And because now my heart is ready. God has been working in me a long time. I can
see the path I have been on as I look back over my shoulder. He has been softening me and preparing me for such a time as this. I have said so many times before that I don’t know where He is taking me. Perhaps I should change that a little. I may not know where He is taking me tomorrow – or next year – or even tomorrow morning. But today He led me to a house on the other side of town to sit on a sofa in a living room with a woman who may have found just a little comfort knowing that I was there.